So I had a fun weekend, but I gained a lb!!! I ate badly, but to gain one lb, I'm not sure. Well I guess I have to start from square one. Yesterday I did pretty well since I ate salad and yogurt for lunch and that kept me pretty full. I also had an egg sandwich for dinner with gazpacho so that was really low calorie and healthy.
I tried going for a run, but the whole gazpacho thing just made my stomach hurt a ton. Today I think I will try and do weights after eating my veggies.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Stuck
So I've been stuck the last few months - no weight loss to speak of- just fluctuations within 3lbs. Its been really frustrating especially since I've been exercising more consistently for the last 2 weeks. This exercise however makes me more hungry. Add to that that I am out of my medication and am not due for a refill until the 27th of August. LAME. It basically means that I will be less able to digest carbs and less able to lose weight. I will be hungry from now on. I have not been as careful with what I am eating this week, but I vow that will change. I have like 32 oz of spinach just waiting to be made into salad.
Tonight I have a dinner party to go to. I am bringing berry crisp because I was asked to bring dessert and the woman who is cooking is pregnant and craving fruity desserts. I will try not to eat some but it will be a huuuge challenge. I dont know if I am up for it. At lunch I will have gazpacho and some yogurt - which is a huge meal of delicious and crazy low calorie things.
I am really going to continue blogging to try and keep up the momentum. Its hard to keep going without some kind of movement from the scale, but I've just got to keep going. I can't give up. Just like at the gym where its depressing to not be able to lift what I once could -- instead I've just got to look at the progress I am making. I've been to the gym or run twice this week which is great because I will not be able to go tonight. I've been trying to run outside since its been gorgeous weather and I want to eventually run my own half marathon soon. Im training for a run on my own. Anyway, I just want to lose this weight and fit into my old clothes. I hate looking so matronly due to my size. I think writing in this space helps me be more motivated, so hopefully continuing to write will continue to help.
Tonight I have a dinner party to go to. I am bringing berry crisp because I was asked to bring dessert and the woman who is cooking is pregnant and craving fruity desserts. I will try not to eat some but it will be a huuuge challenge. I dont know if I am up for it. At lunch I will have gazpacho and some yogurt - which is a huge meal of delicious and crazy low calorie things.
I am really going to continue blogging to try and keep up the momentum. Its hard to keep going without some kind of movement from the scale, but I've just got to keep going. I can't give up. Just like at the gym where its depressing to not be able to lift what I once could -- instead I've just got to look at the progress I am making. I've been to the gym or run twice this week which is great because I will not be able to go tonight. I've been trying to run outside since its been gorgeous weather and I want to eventually run my own half marathon soon. Im training for a run on my own. Anyway, I just want to lose this weight and fit into my old clothes. I hate looking so matronly due to my size. I think writing in this space helps me be more motivated, so hopefully continuing to write will continue to help.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Weight Fluctuations
The scale is doing weird things, like saying I am 4 lbs heavier than I was on Sunday. Normally I would start freaking out, but I know I've not done anything to gain that much weight, so I am assuming its water weight or its just a fluctuation with no explanation. I am just going to keep doing what I am doing.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Slacker
This whole past week has only seen me once at the gym -- just once. What a slacker. I supposedly lost 2 lbs for this week Sunday, so I hope that is actually "true" and not water loss. Either way, I decided to take this week "off" for mental reprieve. I didnt eat much more, but I let myself relax a bit and now I feel stronger for it. This week I want to exercise 4 times this week. Its supposed to be nicer weather this week, so I think it will be more probable that I will run outside more. This week's goal also includes one salad a day.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Twenty Pounds
Its now officially twenty pounds lost! I am back at the weight I've been for 3 years; granted its 10lbs over what I feel "better" at, I know that I can get down that far and beyond. I am eating super clean and I even exercised 1.5 hours on the elliptical yesterday. There is that fine balance between too much and just enough exercise, so I have to be careful about that.
I also tried on my trench and it fit! A little snug, but its always been a little snug. Its a size medium from Target, which are all really larges, so I count that as a large still. My clothes are starting to fit better and I dont have that huge uncontrollable muffin top all the time. Don't get me wrong, I still have a big muffin top, but its just not mammoth like it once was.
What is hard about this whole thing is that I still have 55 lbs to lose. It seems like such a small dent, but I think if I can stick to my 2lbs a week loss I can do it relatively quickly. That is if I can keep the momentum. My body does weird weird things when it gets down below 170 so I know I have to be patient, but its not been bad! I mean I constantly have to be vigilant, I don't really eat out much and I no longer drink wine. I have a full case just sitting there. It will have to wait until I am done with this because wine has a lot of calories that are empty and frankly the calories just aren't worth it. I've seldomly been drinking Bacardi and Diet Sprite or Diet Coke lately.
This next weekend is Easter and its going to be hard to resist the food that I will be exposed to. Its not so hard because I really do not like the food that my fiance's family likes, so it should not be bad. I am planning on bringing a big goat cheese, pepita, arugula and apple salad, so I simply plan on only eating that with 4 oz of turkey breast. I was thinking of baking something indulgent, but I will be tempted with my own food, so I think its smart to take healthy things like perhaps cut-up fruit for dessert/snacks/breakfast. I always have to make sure I bring my own food because my fiance's parents rarely have fruit or veggies- on hand that I can make a quick salad or whatever out of. They have things like lasagna and make things like french toast and strata for brunch. I make whole wheat pancakes and eggs/omlettes for brunch, which is much healthier. They have high metabolisms, so they can afford to eat like that since the men have physical jobs. I usually end up gaining weight when I go, but my new strategy to that has been hitting the grocery store and brining my own food...which is what I like anyway. I'd rather eat fruit and yogurt than almost anything else.
I also tried on my trench and it fit! A little snug, but its always been a little snug. Its a size medium from Target, which are all really larges, so I count that as a large still. My clothes are starting to fit better and I dont have that huge uncontrollable muffin top all the time. Don't get me wrong, I still have a big muffin top, but its just not mammoth like it once was.
What is hard about this whole thing is that I still have 55 lbs to lose. It seems like such a small dent, but I think if I can stick to my 2lbs a week loss I can do it relatively quickly. That is if I can keep the momentum. My body does weird weird things when it gets down below 170 so I know I have to be patient, but its not been bad! I mean I constantly have to be vigilant, I don't really eat out much and I no longer drink wine. I have a full case just sitting there. It will have to wait until I am done with this because wine has a lot of calories that are empty and frankly the calories just aren't worth it. I've seldomly been drinking Bacardi and Diet Sprite or Diet Coke lately.
This next weekend is Easter and its going to be hard to resist the food that I will be exposed to. Its not so hard because I really do not like the food that my fiance's family likes, so it should not be bad. I am planning on bringing a big goat cheese, pepita, arugula and apple salad, so I simply plan on only eating that with 4 oz of turkey breast. I was thinking of baking something indulgent, but I will be tempted with my own food, so I think its smart to take healthy things like perhaps cut-up fruit for dessert/snacks/breakfast. I always have to make sure I bring my own food because my fiance's parents rarely have fruit or veggies- on hand that I can make a quick salad or whatever out of. They have things like lasagna and make things like french toast and strata for brunch. I make whole wheat pancakes and eggs/omlettes for brunch, which is much healthier. They have high metabolisms, so they can afford to eat like that since the men have physical jobs. I usually end up gaining weight when I go, but my new strategy to that has been hitting the grocery store and brining my own food...which is what I like anyway. I'd rather eat fruit and yogurt than almost anything else.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Snow!
It snowed today in Wisconsin - no shocker there, but mother nature has been jerking me around. First it was 80 degrees just a couple weeks back and now the sky is leaking snow/sleet and rain. Its annoying because I had just gotten into running again and now I have to wait until the weather improves to continue running.
Last night even though I had zero motivation, I went to the gym at 8:30 pm. I go to sleep early so this is really late for me. I did an hour workout on the elliptical and I got out of there quickly. I really think that moderate exercise while losing weight has been one of the factors that is helping with my weight loss. I am not hungry like I was when I exercised excessively. I try to workout at least 3 times a week and like it when I get it in 4 times. I really wish I could run outside because its so much easier to lace up my sneakers and get outside in the sun. Going to the smelly gym to be a hamster on the elliptical is not as fun. I just feel like its more natural to run -- there is a sense of accomplishment to say - hey I ran X miles today.
My mood has been better lately. Not perfect of course, but I have been happier and more positive lately. I have also not been as hard on myself as I normally am. I have high expectations of myself but I know I have to be patient with this weightloss. I am just 2 lbs away from the weight I was for 3 years. I gained a ton of weight when I graduated law school and took a month to vacation. I think the stress led to some overeating that I normally don't want to do. It led to a 20lb weight gain in ONE month! I know I should have gained like 5lbs but with hypothyroidism -- my body is just primed to gain if my meds aren't on point. I just found out that I am at the edge of "normal" but I think I needed an increase of medications, so I simply increased my own meds and now I am feeling ALOT better. Once I get to that point in 2lbs I think it will start to feel like real weightloss because right now I am uncomfortably overweight -- overweight like I haven't been in years.
My normal sized, tall boyfriend keeps telling me I am beautiful, but I just laugh and tell him he has love goggles. I mean, I am disgusted by my body and yet I still turn him on. I will never understand men. I am more visual than he is perhaps because I could never deal to be with someone that is as fat as me - but I think its probably just self-hate. Still, I don't and haven't ever eaten enough to be this size.
I just see how fat people eat and they have problems with emotional eating and food in general. I do eat more when I am stressed, but I think its because of the higher cortisol/stress levels rather than an emotional compulsion to just keep eating crap. I feel sorry for fat people and see it more as a mental disease -- its just a symptom for a lot of people. I on the other hand have struggled my whole adult life to eat healthy and I have been pretty good and consistent about it, so I am disgusted by fat people too since they just can't stop -- its the same way I feel abotu drug addicts -- I am disgusted but can understand the addiction.
I just can't relate to people on shows like the biggest loser where they compensate for something by eating. I never did that -- I don't have a huge problem, I mean we all have baggage but I just do not and it makes me angry that I look like I do -- I look like I have no self control when I eat so much better than almost all of the people around me. Honestly, if I did not care about what I ate, I would be like 300 lbs easily, but I am vigilant even when I am "maintaining" or not on a "diet". People say - oh its a lifestyle change -- I never had to change my lifestyle to lose weight -- I simply had to eat a lot less of the healthy stuff I had already been eating. Lame. I am still so angry about that -- that I will have loose skin when I lose weight and its not my fucking fault -- I've had insulin resistance/hypothyroidism since I was a kid!
I guess I am only angry because I saw a picture of myself at a wine tasting -- it was hideous - I had a huge double chin and as an adult I am just not used to seeing myself that way. Granted that was 18lbs ago, but still it just makes me so upset that I have to look like that when my triglycerides are amazing (because I eat so well), but my insulin is through the roof! I am going to take extreme measures to lose this weight -- I will try not to be unhealthy, but its going to take a lot of self-restraint not to undereat because I am just tired of being at this weight.
Last night even though I had zero motivation, I went to the gym at 8:30 pm. I go to sleep early so this is really late for me. I did an hour workout on the elliptical and I got out of there quickly. I really think that moderate exercise while losing weight has been one of the factors that is helping with my weight loss. I am not hungry like I was when I exercised excessively. I try to workout at least 3 times a week and like it when I get it in 4 times. I really wish I could run outside because its so much easier to lace up my sneakers and get outside in the sun. Going to the smelly gym to be a hamster on the elliptical is not as fun. I just feel like its more natural to run -- there is a sense of accomplishment to say - hey I ran X miles today.
My mood has been better lately. Not perfect of course, but I have been happier and more positive lately. I have also not been as hard on myself as I normally am. I have high expectations of myself but I know I have to be patient with this weightloss. I am just 2 lbs away from the weight I was for 3 years. I gained a ton of weight when I graduated law school and took a month to vacation. I think the stress led to some overeating that I normally don't want to do. It led to a 20lb weight gain in ONE month! I know I should have gained like 5lbs but with hypothyroidism -- my body is just primed to gain if my meds aren't on point. I just found out that I am at the edge of "normal" but I think I needed an increase of medications, so I simply increased my own meds and now I am feeling ALOT better. Once I get to that point in 2lbs I think it will start to feel like real weightloss because right now I am uncomfortably overweight -- overweight like I haven't been in years.
My normal sized, tall boyfriend keeps telling me I am beautiful, but I just laugh and tell him he has love goggles. I mean, I am disgusted by my body and yet I still turn him on. I will never understand men. I am more visual than he is perhaps because I could never deal to be with someone that is as fat as me - but I think its probably just self-hate. Still, I don't and haven't ever eaten enough to be this size.
I just see how fat people eat and they have problems with emotional eating and food in general. I do eat more when I am stressed, but I think its because of the higher cortisol/stress levels rather than an emotional compulsion to just keep eating crap. I feel sorry for fat people and see it more as a mental disease -- its just a symptom for a lot of people. I on the other hand have struggled my whole adult life to eat healthy and I have been pretty good and consistent about it, so I am disgusted by fat people too since they just can't stop -- its the same way I feel abotu drug addicts -- I am disgusted but can understand the addiction.
I just can't relate to people on shows like the biggest loser where they compensate for something by eating. I never did that -- I don't have a huge problem, I mean we all have baggage but I just do not and it makes me angry that I look like I do -- I look like I have no self control when I eat so much better than almost all of the people around me. Honestly, if I did not care about what I ate, I would be like 300 lbs easily, but I am vigilant even when I am "maintaining" or not on a "diet". People say - oh its a lifestyle change -- I never had to change my lifestyle to lose weight -- I simply had to eat a lot less of the healthy stuff I had already been eating. Lame. I am still so angry about that -- that I will have loose skin when I lose weight and its not my fucking fault -- I've had insulin resistance/hypothyroidism since I was a kid!
I guess I am only angry because I saw a picture of myself at a wine tasting -- it was hideous - I had a huge double chin and as an adult I am just not used to seeing myself that way. Granted that was 18lbs ago, but still it just makes me so upset that I have to look like that when my triglycerides are amazing (because I eat so well), but my insulin is through the roof! I am going to take extreme measures to lose this weight -- I will try not to be unhealthy, but its going to take a lot of self-restraint not to undereat because I am just tired of being at this weight.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
One more lb
Nothing much to report except that I had a lazy weekend. I was away visiting my boyfriend's family so I got no exercise in. This next weekend I will be there as well, but this time I will pack some workout stuff so that I can either run or lift. I lost 2 lbs last week, but nothing yet this week. I wonder if I can make my 2lb goal.
If I really limit carbs I think I can do it. I've not had any bread since Sunday (had to eat sandwiches on Sat/Sun -- there was nothing else). I will not have bread unless I plan to run 5 miles. I've been having my regular eggs and cheese and yogurt and strawberries lunches.
My eating this weekend was not spectacular, but was not abysmal either. I had a sandwich for lunch on Saturday and Salad for dinner. On Sunday had a Sandwich for lunch/breakfast and then made a big salad for "linner" -- I had a grapefruit at night and didnt really eat dinner I guess. I just wasn't that hungry by the time it was bedtime so I didn't bother with a meal -- I just had small snacks like hummus.
If I really limit carbs I think I can do it. I've not had any bread since Sunday (had to eat sandwiches on Sat/Sun -- there was nothing else). I will not have bread unless I plan to run 5 miles. I've been having my regular eggs and cheese and yogurt and strawberries lunches.
My eating this weekend was not spectacular, but was not abysmal either. I had a sandwich for lunch on Saturday and Salad for dinner. On Sunday had a Sandwich for lunch/breakfast and then made a big salad for "linner" -- I had a grapefruit at night and didnt really eat dinner I guess. I just wasn't that hungry by the time it was bedtime so I didn't bother with a meal -- I just had small snacks like hummus.
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