This past Friday I was still in that negative, angry and frustrated headspace. Its over now, but it was so hard to feel that way and have no control over it. It was so bad I had to go home from work. I slept most of the day away - I was tired, depressed and angry. I was angry I have this disease and angry that I am so hungry all the time.
I had a cheat meal that day and it did make me feel better, but it also made me realize that the food I was eating was not good for me and it wasn't as good as I remembered. Either way I don't have eating "issues" like most bloggers. I don't eat "emotionally" or binge. I eat reasonably and I've lost two more lbs as a result. I am still on my modified juice diet. Its good for me to have such a high amount of nutrition with low calories. Its just working for me and I have to keep at it until it is no longer manageable.
My partner left yesterday on a business trip and I realized how much support he gives me and how important he is in all of this. He is super supportive. He makes my juice, keeps me motivated and keeps me accountable. Without his help this would be nearly impossible -- his role in all of this is that important. He just keeps my eyes on the prize and helps as much as possible by making me juice when I am too tired or too annoyed to make it. He goes to the gym with me and is just generally so accepting, loving and supportive. I have this huge hurdle with weight loss, but at least I have someone to help me.
I hate that this process is so "all consuming" though I am lucky that work is so chill right now that I have the time to just work and lose the weight. Once I hit 14 more lbs lost I think I will at least be more comfortable in my own body again. I want to wear minis again - it was my trademark but since I've gained the weight its been impossible to wear because my legs aren't as toned as they used to be from all the running. I also love that I am an athlete again. While I am not as fast as I used to be its great to improve every week. This week's accomplishment is running 5 miles indoors which is really difficult mentally, moreso than physically. Anyway I hope next weekend is warmer because I really want to run 7/8 miles outside.