So last night I had an OK workout. I mean I didn't "phone it in" but I also didnt push myself as hard. I was tired from my two last hard workouts. All in all I only did 20 calories less than I had the night before so I am OK with it.
I had a really good dinner last night. A couple tablespoons of couscous, green beans and eggs and chicken with artichokes, spinach and lemon and a dusting of parm on top. It was very substantial but pretty low in calories since there wasnt much chicken in the meal and it was all mostly veggies. 3/4 of my plate was veggies. The other quarter was divided up between chicken and literally those two tablespoons of cous cous.
No progress today, just holding on to that 1 lb loss from the other day, which is disappointing but this stuff doesnt happen overnight -- I have to remember that. On a lighter note, I did try on that shirt from my interview and it actually fits, which it really didnt during my interview. That day I had to duct tape it closed! Anyway I got the job so all is well anyway.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
One pound loss sustained
It seems like the pound is gone forever because I am exactly one pound less (consistent with yesterday's loss). This is usually not the case because I fluctuate so much from one day to the next. This makes me happy, but the negativity inside me burgeons to the surface when I think about how much is left to just be my "normal."
Patience is a virtue, one that I lack. Still, I think persistence and consistentcy pays off. My workout yesterday went well because I ate dinner beforehand. I ate half a can of black beans with one egg and three tortillas and a smidgeon of cheese...and a pb&j right when I got home. I had my all-time best workout thus far. Seems like I say that a lot, but like I said before, I do push myself hard. Its great to have a TV while I workout - it makes me forget how LOOONG my workouts are and distracts me from the pain. Still, I am proud of my progress. Sometimes I don't give myself enough credit, but its so hard when the road looks so so long.
Motivation is a hard nut to crack; its really hard to define how that comes to you, but I think it has something to do with hitting rock-bottom. I hit an all time new high weight (havent been at this weight in ten years) and so I got scared. Scared that it would get worse before it got better. I was incredulous at the number and I knew it would be permanent if I did not do something about it. This miraculous motivation came over me, just like I had before for YEARS. Its only been these last 3 or so years where my motivation tanked. Part of it was not motivation -- I got sick during this time and I got used to being tired ALL THE TIME. Then I suspect this sorta became a habit. Its easier to stay the same and not workout and not try. For two years I didn't gain weight. It was only when I got complacent that it piled on (in one month mind you).
I cant wait to fit into my old clothes, this is annoying me that even though I've lost 13 lbs, my clothes fit almost the same. I know I have to be patient, but 13 lbs is ALOT. I guess I need to remember that NONE of my clothes fit at that size and had to cobble together a suit for my interview even. Maybe I should try on my interview shirt and see if it fits any better.... that's a better way for me to guage progress. The scale is a weird thing for me. Sometimes it moves and sometimes it doesnt. I am thinking of starting to measure, but its just too depressing a thought to know my measurements. I know that sounds weird, but I just dont want to know until I am at that normal weight for me.
Right now things are easy because I am losing. Its when I hit a plateau that the real challenges start. I know I get frustrated and angry because of all the hard work. Here is where measurements should help because for me, I gain muscle weight very easily so sometimes the scale wont move, but clothes start fitting better.
Patience is a virtue, one that I lack. Still, I think persistence and consistentcy pays off. My workout yesterday went well because I ate dinner beforehand. I ate half a can of black beans with one egg and three tortillas and a smidgeon of cheese...and a pb&j right when I got home. I had my all-time best workout thus far. Seems like I say that a lot, but like I said before, I do push myself hard. Its great to have a TV while I workout - it makes me forget how LOOONG my workouts are and distracts me from the pain. Still, I am proud of my progress. Sometimes I don't give myself enough credit, but its so hard when the road looks so so long.
Motivation is a hard nut to crack; its really hard to define how that comes to you, but I think it has something to do with hitting rock-bottom. I hit an all time new high weight (havent been at this weight in ten years) and so I got scared. Scared that it would get worse before it got better. I was incredulous at the number and I knew it would be permanent if I did not do something about it. This miraculous motivation came over me, just like I had before for YEARS. Its only been these last 3 or so years where my motivation tanked. Part of it was not motivation -- I got sick during this time and I got used to being tired ALL THE TIME. Then I suspect this sorta became a habit. Its easier to stay the same and not workout and not try. For two years I didn't gain weight. It was only when I got complacent that it piled on (in one month mind you).
I cant wait to fit into my old clothes, this is annoying me that even though I've lost 13 lbs, my clothes fit almost the same. I know I have to be patient, but 13 lbs is ALOT. I guess I need to remember that NONE of my clothes fit at that size and had to cobble together a suit for my interview even. Maybe I should try on my interview shirt and see if it fits any better.... that's a better way for me to guage progress. The scale is a weird thing for me. Sometimes it moves and sometimes it doesnt. I am thinking of starting to measure, but its just too depressing a thought to know my measurements. I know that sounds weird, but I just dont want to know until I am at that normal weight for me.
Right now things are easy because I am losing. Its when I hit a plateau that the real challenges start. I know I get frustrated and angry because of all the hard work. Here is where measurements should help because for me, I gain muscle weight very easily so sometimes the scale wont move, but clothes start fitting better.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
One more pound.
I hate that my writing is so scatterbrained, but this is stream of consciousness... I guess you will just have to deal.
I lost one pound supposedly (according to the scale) but with waterweight you never know. Still the scale said one pound less so I will take it. I had an incredible workout yesterday. 615 calories "burned" according to the machine. Those machines aren't very accurate but I will take the progress I made. One hour on the elliptical at 10/8 strength with an elevation of 15 is good for me. Again no monstrous workout like in the past, but still good for progress.
Last night I had a coconut milk, strawberry and protein powder shake after my workout, a veggie hot dog (gross) and a bit of greek yogurt. I am not sure I ate enough, but I was so tired I just wanted to get to bed. I really tired myself out at the gym, even if my workout was only an hour.
This all reminds me that weightloss is not about a specific diet or exercise method, its just about the mental will to do it. Just eat less calories and exercise (more than 30 mins) and you will lose a bunch of weight. The other thing is consistency and perseverence. You have to do it everyday to make those gains slowly because weightloss is not overnight. I keep telling myself that, but its hard to take.
I am tired of being at this weight and want to simply fit into my size 10/8 clothes again. I feel like that will be the "real" starting point because I always plateau at about that size. Right now I am between a 12 and 14, more on the 14 side, but making progress. I've lost about 13 lbs so far and have quite a bit left to go to be at my "normal" size. My goal weight is 130, but I am not sure how realistic that is. I know that I have the mental strength to get there, but weightloss is tiring, its tiring to constantly be preoccupied about what you are eating and how much exercise you do. In some ways it sorta drives your life and I am ready to be more active in the community, do some activist work -- its something that I haven't done since before law school but working out really takes a lot of time away. The way I used to handle it before was to workout right after work (my gym was a block from my work), so that was easy to do and make meetings. Now, I have to get driven home, change, snack and walk to the gym (~10-15 min walk). This is all precious time. I guess things will get better once the sun starts shining and I can run -- that takes less time even though its just as long a workout because running starts as soon as I leave my house.
I am thinking about running a half marathon, but dont really want to pay to do it. I can simply run it one day -- distance running (10+miles) always made me lose weight, so that is something I will turn to as it starts getting warmer. I am good about not wasting my time working out -- what I mean is I am good about not doing shitty workouts. I typically challenge myself or else I feel I am wasting my time. Maybe when I am at that "normal" weight for me I will buy myself an i-pod as a reward.
Last night some girl got on the elliptical right next to me I suppose to motivate herself because there were plenty of other free ones. I schooled her on that machine. She might have been going a bit faster, but that was at a piss poor low intensity/elevation levels. My calories rocked hers and I stayed on for a lot longer of course. Lame how that is -- people make assumptions about my fitness because of how fat I am. I wish I could wear a sign that says I am fat not lazy -- I have a thyroid issue. Its true, I think of fat people as lazy and gross -- myself included. I know I eat a heck of a lot healthier than "normal" people and can still be susceptilble to weight loss. I eat comparably to thin healthy people, but I am just fat. Its extra frustrating to have to work twice as much just to maintain weight. To lose its a huge effort. I am not even sure I am eating enough calories to maintain long-term weight loss because I dont want to slow down my metabolism (already so slow). I guess for now I have to settle for what works now and change my approach as I go down the road.
My goal is also to lose weight for my next doctor's appointment in May. I just want to tell her that my weight was circumstancial and that its changing now that I am out of school. She thinks I am one of those people that don't really try - - I mean last time she asked me if my chicken was breaded -- as if that were the magic bullet. One I dont fry chicken I bake or use cooking spray and breaded chicken has nothing to do with total caloric intake. Lame. I just want to prove them wrong, that its not me being lazy that it is in fact my condition. I mean right now I have a headache from not eating enough calories, but I ate an egg sandwich (fat free cheese, turkey bacon and one egg on two 60 cal slices) and a tiny bit of greek yogurt, which is more than enough calories and I am not hungry. I can tell that my body is just not used to the exercise and its reacting to it -- mostly in a good way. My skin is better and I have more energy -- better than sitting on the couch all night, which is not typical for me but had been the case (studying) during law school.
I lost one pound supposedly (according to the scale) but with waterweight you never know. Still the scale said one pound less so I will take it. I had an incredible workout yesterday. 615 calories "burned" according to the machine. Those machines aren't very accurate but I will take the progress I made. One hour on the elliptical at 10/8 strength with an elevation of 15 is good for me. Again no monstrous workout like in the past, but still good for progress.
Last night I had a coconut milk, strawberry and protein powder shake after my workout, a veggie hot dog (gross) and a bit of greek yogurt. I am not sure I ate enough, but I was so tired I just wanted to get to bed. I really tired myself out at the gym, even if my workout was only an hour.
This all reminds me that weightloss is not about a specific diet or exercise method, its just about the mental will to do it. Just eat less calories and exercise (more than 30 mins) and you will lose a bunch of weight. The other thing is consistency and perseverence. You have to do it everyday to make those gains slowly because weightloss is not overnight. I keep telling myself that, but its hard to take.
I am tired of being at this weight and want to simply fit into my size 10/8 clothes again. I feel like that will be the "real" starting point because I always plateau at about that size. Right now I am between a 12 and 14, more on the 14 side, but making progress. I've lost about 13 lbs so far and have quite a bit left to go to be at my "normal" size. My goal weight is 130, but I am not sure how realistic that is. I know that I have the mental strength to get there, but weightloss is tiring, its tiring to constantly be preoccupied about what you are eating and how much exercise you do. In some ways it sorta drives your life and I am ready to be more active in the community, do some activist work -- its something that I haven't done since before law school but working out really takes a lot of time away. The way I used to handle it before was to workout right after work (my gym was a block from my work), so that was easy to do and make meetings. Now, I have to get driven home, change, snack and walk to the gym (~10-15 min walk). This is all precious time. I guess things will get better once the sun starts shining and I can run -- that takes less time even though its just as long a workout because running starts as soon as I leave my house.
I am thinking about running a half marathon, but dont really want to pay to do it. I can simply run it one day -- distance running (10+miles) always made me lose weight, so that is something I will turn to as it starts getting warmer. I am good about not wasting my time working out -- what I mean is I am good about not doing shitty workouts. I typically challenge myself or else I feel I am wasting my time. Maybe when I am at that "normal" weight for me I will buy myself an i-pod as a reward.
Last night some girl got on the elliptical right next to me I suppose to motivate herself because there were plenty of other free ones. I schooled her on that machine. She might have been going a bit faster, but that was at a piss poor low intensity/elevation levels. My calories rocked hers and I stayed on for a lot longer of course. Lame how that is -- people make assumptions about my fitness because of how fat I am. I wish I could wear a sign that says I am fat not lazy -- I have a thyroid issue. Its true, I think of fat people as lazy and gross -- myself included. I know I eat a heck of a lot healthier than "normal" people and can still be susceptilble to weight loss. I eat comparably to thin healthy people, but I am just fat. Its extra frustrating to have to work twice as much just to maintain weight. To lose its a huge effort. I am not even sure I am eating enough calories to maintain long-term weight loss because I dont want to slow down my metabolism (already so slow). I guess for now I have to settle for what works now and change my approach as I go down the road.
My goal is also to lose weight for my next doctor's appointment in May. I just want to tell her that my weight was circumstancial and that its changing now that I am out of school. She thinks I am one of those people that don't really try - - I mean last time she asked me if my chicken was breaded -- as if that were the magic bullet. One I dont fry chicken I bake or use cooking spray and breaded chicken has nothing to do with total caloric intake. Lame. I just want to prove them wrong, that its not me being lazy that it is in fact my condition. I mean right now I have a headache from not eating enough calories, but I ate an egg sandwich (fat free cheese, turkey bacon and one egg on two 60 cal slices) and a tiny bit of greek yogurt, which is more than enough calories and I am not hungry. I can tell that my body is just not used to the exercise and its reacting to it -- mostly in a good way. My skin is better and I have more energy -- better than sitting on the couch all night, which is not typical for me but had been the case (studying) during law school.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Law school is over
So now that I am out of law school, I have made a consistent effort to lose weight. I know it seems like a cop-out to some of you, but for the lawyers amongst you, you know this is real. I had a 20 hour a week part time job and a full course load and I gained 20 lbs. I know this is partly due to stress making me make bad choices, but the food does not account for all the lbs. I know already that when I get stressed out my body responds in kind by gaining weight. I no longer am in despair over this because now that I am on medication, its possible to lose it. It makes it no more easier or palatable an experience, but at least the possibility of losing exists.
I've lost 12 lbs of fat in the last month and a half. This is progress for me. This would have taken herculean efforts before my medication regimen. Now, I just eat right -- my diet is exceedingly clean and have one cheat meal a week along with going to the gym/working out 4 times a week, which is not a lot. Eventually when it gets warmer I expect this to go up to 5 times a week or more.
My exercise has also been on point, but is no where near the exercise regimen that I had to engage in before to lose weight. I had to work out 2 hours a day to lose, 5 times a week. I am not just talking light exercise either. I was training for half marathons or leg pressing 500lbs. Now my fitness is not as great as it once was and thats sorta depressing, but I am making good gains. I was able to run for five miles without stopping, which before would take me 50 mins. at a fairly good pace. Now it takes forever, but I dont put pressure on myself by stressing about it. I think that is one of the major differences in losing the weight this time. Its always on my mind, but its not controlling my life, making me miserable. I just eat clean, exercise moderately and my life is not ruled by rigid exercise and hunger. I think that this time the weightloss might be slower and I think I am OK with that for now. I try to keep what I have lost as a whole into perspective versus what I lose in a week or a few days.
Today's breakfast was greek yogurt (2% with strawberries and blueberries) and coffee with coconut milk. Today's lunch will be a challenge because I am going to a luncheon, but I am armed with granola bars and fruit, so if something is not healthy I simply won't be forced to eat it. I've been consuming a lot of herbal tea and green tea which helps as well. Tonight's dinner is likely to be a salad with steak and butternut squash -- same as last night.
Last night I did not exercise but I do not feel bad about it. I started watching a documentary on Hernandez v. Texas where the Supreme Court found that Mexican Americans are covered under the 14th Amendment despite the fact that they are "racially" white. I won't go into this story, but it was moving and brought tears to my eyes both because it was inspiring and sad at the same time. As an attorney, I was saddened that this kind of stuff was not covered in my Constitutional law class. The story and characters would make a good hollywood movie. A dashing lawyer, a guilty client and an insurmountable fight.
I've lost 12 lbs of fat in the last month and a half. This is progress for me. This would have taken herculean efforts before my medication regimen. Now, I just eat right -- my diet is exceedingly clean and have one cheat meal a week along with going to the gym/working out 4 times a week, which is not a lot. Eventually when it gets warmer I expect this to go up to 5 times a week or more.
My exercise has also been on point, but is no where near the exercise regimen that I had to engage in before to lose weight. I had to work out 2 hours a day to lose, 5 times a week. I am not just talking light exercise either. I was training for half marathons or leg pressing 500lbs. Now my fitness is not as great as it once was and thats sorta depressing, but I am making good gains. I was able to run for five miles without stopping, which before would take me 50 mins. at a fairly good pace. Now it takes forever, but I dont put pressure on myself by stressing about it. I think that is one of the major differences in losing the weight this time. Its always on my mind, but its not controlling my life, making me miserable. I just eat clean, exercise moderately and my life is not ruled by rigid exercise and hunger. I think that this time the weightloss might be slower and I think I am OK with that for now. I try to keep what I have lost as a whole into perspective versus what I lose in a week or a few days.
Today's breakfast was greek yogurt (2% with strawberries and blueberries) and coffee with coconut milk. Today's lunch will be a challenge because I am going to a luncheon, but I am armed with granola bars and fruit, so if something is not healthy I simply won't be forced to eat it. I've been consuming a lot of herbal tea and green tea which helps as well. Tonight's dinner is likely to be a salad with steak and butternut squash -- same as last night.
Last night I did not exercise but I do not feel bad about it. I started watching a documentary on Hernandez v. Texas where the Supreme Court found that Mexican Americans are covered under the 14th Amendment despite the fact that they are "racially" white. I won't go into this story, but it was moving and brought tears to my eyes both because it was inspiring and sad at the same time. As an attorney, I was saddened that this kind of stuff was not covered in my Constitutional law class. The story and characters would make a good hollywood movie. A dashing lawyer, a guilty client and an insurmountable fight.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Gazpacho.
Gazpacho as I have had it always bothers me. It was glorified picadillo with a taste that reminded me of a tart bloody mary. I hate bloody marys, they taste like V8, which in my book is disgusting. In any case, my boyfriend loves it. I aim to please and he has been working extra hard this week, so I started to think about gazpacho. I wondered: how do i make it less tart and more flavorful? I had food memories of a trip to Spain, the first thing that came to mind was this indescribably good dish I had: avocado with vinaigrette inside each half (where the pit once was). Then I began to think about what gazpacho really is at its core. I think its salad. I then set out to make the best gazpacho ever.
I started out by chopping tomatoes (seeding them into the bowl first). When I only had two tomatoes left, I had watermelon hanging around and thought the texture of the two for the tomato juice soup base would be perfect; it would take away from the acidity of the tomatoes. I blended the two tomatoes with a few chunks of watermelon, added salt and a dash of baking soda (counteracts the acid) and it was perfect. I threw it into the bowl.
The next thing I started thinking about was onions. When I make salad I always try and pickle the onions in the vinegar or salad dressing while I work on other things so that they have a chance to lose that sharpness. The onions usually mellow in flavor, change in turgidity and become sweeter.
I started by juicing half a lime and then chopped three medium garlic cloves. I used the italian method of smashing the garlic with salt, pepper and olive oil to make a fine paste. The garlic is uncooked, so this intensifies the flavor without being overpowering. I added the paste to the lime juice and added red wine vinegar. I always salt and pepper the dressing at this point because it can dissolve in the vinegar, later on the oil prevents it from mixing well. I added mustard just like in dressing and then added the worcestershire and just half a dash of vanilla and soy sauce. I know, weird, but I have weird gut instincts when it comes to tomatoes. I grew up eating so many tomato based dishes (mexican) that I just know what helps. Anyway I started to think that it was almost a french mignonette. Migonette is delicious dressing made with red wine vinegar, chopped tomatoes and chopped basil. Its so simple yet intensely savory with the right amount of garlic and truffle oil. I threw tomato and basil in and blended and then I added a bunch of truffle oil. Perfect!
Then I started to think about sun-dried tomatoes because I was going to soak golden raisins in brandy for my fiber breakfast bars. I microwaved 3-4 sun-dried tomatoes (not in oil) for two minutes in a bit of water and brandy (half and half-just so they were covered). I tried blending this and it was hard. It didnt really work, but I did blend them a long time and then separated the pulp from the juice and into the giant glass bowl it went.
I made tiny matchsticks of the celery (about one small stalk), 2 jalape~os (seeded) and 3/4 of a cucumber (seeded) and chopped them into millimiter cubes. They got dumped in.
Then assembly. Dumped the juice in, the vinegarette (w/onions), 2 heaping tablespoons of tomato paste into the ginourmous glass bowl and added water as needed. Ladled the 'soup' into a bowl. Added cubes of avocado to the bowl directly --to ensure it doesnt become mushy in the soup and to ensure I had a bunch in my bowl. Some chopped cilantro and the taste had just enough sweetness so that its a background note (you cant taste the watermelon). The vinaigrette added a richness and a bright acidity that was not overpowering. The tomatoes' own acidity was tempered by the watermelon and two tablespoons of tomato paste. NO salty tomato juice or canned tomatoes allowed!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Half an inch in one and a half weeks
Its amazing that it just keeps going. I am cooking alot more, which is more due to finances than diet. Still, its the start of the semester and things have not yet been hectic. I now have two gym buddies and I am enjoying cooking for friends. It seems things are looking up. I am nearly in my 8s. I can pull them on at least, but still with the "muffin" top, so I have a bit to go.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
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