One pound loss sustained

It seems like the pound is gone forever because I am exactly one pound less (consistent with yesterday's loss). This is usually not the case because I fluctuate so much from one day to the next. This makes me happy, but the negativity inside me burgeons to the surface when I think about how much is left to just be my "normal."

Patience is a virtue, one that I lack. Still, I think persistence and consistentcy pays off. My workout yesterday went well because I ate dinner beforehand. I ate half a can of black beans with one egg and three tortillas and a smidgeon of cheese...and a pb&j right when I got home. I had my all-time best workout thus far. Seems like I say that a lot, but like I said before, I do push myself hard. Its great to have a TV while I workout - it makes me forget how LOOONG my workouts are and distracts me from the pain. Still, I am proud of my progress. Sometimes I don't give myself enough credit, but its so hard when the road looks so so long.

Motivation is a hard nut to crack; its really hard to define how that comes to you, but I think it has something to do with hitting rock-bottom. I hit an all time new high weight (havent been at this weight in ten years) and so I got scared. Scared that it would get worse before it got better. I was incredulous at the number and I knew it would be permanent if I did not do something about it. This miraculous motivation came over me, just like I had before for YEARS. Its only been these last 3 or so years where my motivation tanked. Part of it was not motivation -- I got sick during this time and I got used to being tired ALL THE TIME. Then I suspect this sorta became a habit. Its easier to stay the same and not workout and not try. For two years I didn't gain weight. It was only when I got complacent that it piled on (in one month mind you).

I cant wait to fit into my old clothes, this is annoying me that even though I've lost 13 lbs, my clothes fit almost the same. I know I have to be patient, but 13 lbs is ALOT. I guess I need to remember that NONE of my clothes fit at that size and had to cobble together a suit for my interview even. Maybe I should try on my interview shirt and see if it fits any better.... that's a better way for me to guage progress. The scale is a weird thing for me. Sometimes it moves and sometimes it doesnt. I am thinking of starting to measure, but its just too depressing a thought to know my measurements. I know that sounds weird, but I just dont want to know until I am at that normal weight for me.

Right now things are easy because I am losing. Its when I hit a plateau that the real challenges start. I know I get frustrated and angry because of all the hard work. Here is where measurements should help because for me, I gain muscle weight very easily so sometimes the scale wont move, but clothes start fitting better.