New Day

Today was good. I went waaaaay over calories but didn't really eat more than usual. I had an extra protein shake in the morning. I don't feel bad about it because I had another 1.5 hour workout at the elliptical. I did feel hungry today, which is a change. I think my stepped up workouts are behind it. I am going to power through that mentally because just like exercise is almost all mental (at least endurance is), so is eating. Sometimes I think I will not be full and I surprisingly am full after a smaller amount. Its about re-training my body on portion size. I will always have to eat less than others, but at least I know its something medical and that its not my fault. Its a big deal to find out its not just me. For YEARS I thought I was just not trying hard enough, yet today on medication and significantly less exercise I am losing.

I realized as I was walking up the gym steps why I don't want to lift yet. You don't know this, but I used to lift really heavy -- it was how I tracked progress because the scale NEVER moved. So in the past, I used to lift almost exclusively. Now I am out to get the most bag for my buck and right now this second that means the elliptical. Anyway, getting back to why I do not want to lift-- mirrors.

There are mirrors everywhere at the gym, but the ellipticals face windows and tvs so I never am forced to look at myself. When I did go down there it was disgusting and I just could not take it. I need to get past it, but I am just not ready to mentally suffer like that. I think tracking weight loss and cardio is what is working for me right now. When I hit a real plateau I will have to start lifting again.

Ive also decided not to do cheat meals that involve carbs. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. I will keep it to chicken and hope for the best.